"Stick? It was more of a log. Either way, wooden and begat from a tree," recounts Jack Craft in his version of the events of this past Saturday night outside Mandeville, LA. In a bizzare bonfire-building incident, Jack was wounded from a projectile fragment of conifer branch. Standard investigative procedures point to a relatively common wood-chopping error. Jack's account says otherwise. "[The rest of the band and I] were just sitting there-- we had just made a bonfire and were adding wood to it. We were drinking beers and telling stories and then-- out of nowhere-- damn stick hit me in the face." Accident? Think again. We believe this to be yet another instance of vicious stick-on-human crime.
We are currently on the lookout for a piece of wood 18-24 inches long, approximately 3 inches in diameter, probably hiding in the temperate, evergreen woods of northern St. Tammany Parish. Tips may be submitted anonymously by calling: 1-800-555-DAMNSTICKHITMEINTHEFACE. Help us fight the epidemic. Don't be another statis-stick.
my friend once committed a vicious act of arbor on me.
ReplyDeletewe were walking in audobon park with some friends on a lazy Saturday morning.
she decided that she was going to jump up and swing from a branch. i was towards the end of the branch while she was closer into the tree.
she jumped.
she grabbed.
she swung.
She hit me in the face with a tree branch.
there were abrasions, but sadly no scars. For with them I could tell my tale and warn others that these accidents aren't just something that you hear about in the news, that they happen to real people. People like me.